One day an old woman walked into a shop and got some dog food, she went to pay for it and the cashier said you can't buy that dog food we need evidence that you have a dog, so she bought in her dog and she got the dog food.

The next day the same old lady went to get some cat food and the cashier said you can't have that cat food we need evidence that you have a cat, so she went home and got her cat and she got the cat food.

Next day the same old lady went in again and she had a box, she told the cashier to put her finger in it, so she did. She said it felt warm and soft, the little old lady then said now you're satisfied can I have some toilet paper please!

What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?

Some traffic signs say stop.

What a bad week for the Gays and the Jesus! News of Johnny Weir, Clay Gayken and Tommy Cruise!

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Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent,” They throw the switch and nothing happens.

They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, “I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.

Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Alabama, Huntsville and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell you right now, you ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”

Source: Jokes Gallery

Britain is launching a database of thousands of shoes and shoe types next month to help track down criminals.

The database is thought to be the first of its kind in the world.

The Footwear Intelligence Tool will be similar to the database of genetic samples that Britain created in 1995, which now has millions of DNA profiles.

“Footwear marks at the scene are the second biggest evidence type behind blood and DNA,” Dr Romelle Piercy, of the Forensic Science Service (FSS) in London, said.

Like fingerprints, hair, blood or fibres, footprints are left at many crime scenes - on carpets or bodies as well as in earth or mud and are often highly distinctive.

Footwear prints and marks from crime scenes and information from manufacturers will be loaded on to the database, which will be updated daily. Similar clues have already been used to track down suspected bombers and in other major criminal cases.

“The technology, like the DNA database, has no upper limits as far I am aware,” Dr Piercy said.

The archive, to be launched on February 15, will include information on shoe type, colour, branding and marks as well as demographic information. It already contains over 1,000 distinguishing marks on Nike training shoes alone.

Source: ABC Offbeat

A giant statue of Marilyn Monroe has beaten sculptures of King Kong, Cindy Crawford and E.T. to claim first prize at Europe’s top ice-sculpture competition.

Read more:Marilyn the ice queen

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how could she do that?!!!:|

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Submitted By: T0MER
Tags: circus gymnastic felxible artist acrobat sports 

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