Chad: Who do you guys have winning it all?
Bran: I like Florida this year.
Moose: Florida A&M? My sister goes there.
Bran: (laughing) Yeah, I'm picking the 16 seed to take it all...Ass.  The Gators. 
Moose: Speaking of Gators, how crazy is it that that Steve Irwin guy died?
Chad: That was like 3 months ago, dude.
Moose:I'm just saying.
Chad: I got to go with Ohio State.  Greggy Oden.
Bran: That dude looks like Lebron and Bill Russell's love child.
Moose: Enough sports. What are we, gay? Let's go smoke and watch Harold and Kumar.
Chad: Later man, I want to talk about picks.

Moose rolls his eyes and shoots a jump shot...he almost hits the rim this time

Bran: Why didn't you get in my pool Moose?
Moose: It's too cold to go swimming.
Chad: Funny guy.  You know what I mean...the tournament.
Moose: Oh crap, did I not get it in on time? Shoot! Poop! Well...there's always next year.

  KEEP READING

This week: Pumping Up!

We are at the local gym where our fraternity brothers are doing what they do best, working out.  Brother Chad is lying on the bench press while Brother Chaz stands above to spot.  Brother Chad sports a black beater... for he is Italian.

Chad: How jacked do you think I can get? (examines biceps)

Chaz: (rolling eyes) I don't know...maybe 10 or 20 more pounds of muscle mass. I really don't know.

Chad: Trick question titty face. I can get as jacked as I want. As long as I focus my mind on a certain body part it'll get jacked.

Chaz: Right, I knew that.

Chad: Throw on two more twenty-fivers and the pussy plate.

Chaz: Pussy plate?

Chad: The 2.5 pounder.

Chaz: Don't you think you're getting a little...too big?

Chad: No such thing as too big.

Chaz: I can hardly see your neck anymore.

Chad: My neck is weak! I'd rather have traps than neck.

Chaz: It's like you're fortifying your neck with shoulders, so it can't be attacked.

Chad: I wish my neck was a bicep.  That way I could do more bicep curls.

  KEEP READING

2-Dew List

1. Shotgun a Natty
2. Take ear medicine
3. Buy alotta visors
4. CONDOMS!!!
5. Watch CONAIR on dvd
6. Steal some of Moose's visors, they're pretty sick
7. Miscellaneous Frat stuff
8. Buy mad Corona gear at Wal-Mart (i.e. woven trucker hat, bathing suit, big towel, boxers, etc.)
9. Make a doodie
10. Give brother Chad a deadarm
11. Scream something into a pledge's ear
12. Hangout with someone other than Moose...maybe Chad???
13. Work on haiku for secret poetry competition
14. Sculpt those pythons
15. Call Mommy <3

 

Big Words in Oh Seven

Choice [chois] adj. Awesome, excellent; of good quality

            Choice - - as in "That Corona trucker hat is choice!"

Crunchy [kruhn-chee]

            1: adj. sweet, awesome, fun

            Crunchy - - as in "This bologna sandwich is crunchy"

            2: adj. New-age, modern hippie; a 21st century hippie if you will

            Crunchy - - as in "Check out Suzy Brah, she's sporting dreads and

                                 birks, bitch went all crunchy."

  KEEP READING

The following FratChat conversation took place last Saturday between 2:43 - 2:44 A.M.

Moose: Dude, that was the sickest threesome of all time
Johnny: Yeah, it was alright.
Moose: Alright? What’s wrong with you?
Johnny: I don’t know, I guess I’d just prefer…ya know, like 2 girls 1 guy.
Moose: C’mon man, we’re all Brahzasauruses here.
Johnny: Brahzasauri, but that’s not the point.
Moose: I just don’t see the problem, if you’d have a threesome with your biological brother why not a frat brother?
Johnny: What the hell is wrong with you?!? I wouldn’t have a threesome with my brother!
Moose: I see
Johnny: Let’s never speak of this again.
Moose: MOOOOOOSE ATTACK!!!
Johnny: I’m going downstairs. 

Overheard at your local frat party.

Yo, bro, keg’s on the back porch, solos in the kitch.

Dude we totally smashed that brahzilla's face into the pavement!

Foam is beer too, lick that shit off the grass, brah!

…shoved the plunger…

I’M RICK JAMES, BITCH!!!

…up his ass! funny as hell, broham!

The Taco bar was money tonight in the dining hall, right?!

Yo broseph, yeah no party here. I think the Asian house is on the other side of campus, actually. Peace, brahzasaurus.

What’s a “D-bag”? Someone just called me a D-bag. YO MOOSE! What’s a D-Bag? MOOSE! BRAH! WHAT'S A D-BAG?