That’s really a bad name for a company…LOL..Don’t expect good customer service.

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They’re up in heaven, and God’s sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first.

“Al, what do you believe in?”

Al replies, “Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we’ll all die.”

God thinks for a second and says “Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left.”

God then addresses Bill. “Bill, what do you believe in?”

Bill replies, “Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people’s pain.”

God thinks for a second and says “Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right.”

God then address Hillary. “Hillary, what do you believe in?”

“I believe you’re in my chair.”

LOL…. He will end up being hunted by Cheney…

Please press hash now to continue, whether it appears on your keypad or not. If you do not have a touch-tone phone, go out and buy one you freak, it’s 2003 for **** sake!

Please choose one of the following options:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 over and over and over again;

If you are multiple personality, touch 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.

If you are hysterical, don’t touch any buttons whatsoever, something terrible might happen;

If you are bipolar, touch 1, then 9;

If you are schizophrenic, don’t touch any buttons, a little voice will tell you what to do;

If you are paranoid, there is no need to touch any buttons. We know who you are, we know where you live, and we will be coming to get you very soon.

If you are a psychopath, rip the cord out of the wall and run away with the phone;

If you are an anal-retentive psychopath, take the phone apart. Place each piece in a plastic bag. Tape each plastic bag tightly shut. Place all the plastic bags into a large, brown paper bag, which you then place in the southeast corner of your freezer.

If you are depressed, do not touch any buttons. It wouldn’t do any good anyway.

If you are manic, touch as many buttons as you can as fast as possible;

If you are narcissist, touch yourself.

LOL…I’m sure it’s all fun till a fat chick comes in or an old lady…

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually pale and clear.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, and the front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror. Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while complain to the owner about its lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor swaying.
FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey game in progress.
ACTION: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent light strip across it.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up; lash self to bar.

SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.
FAULT: The Bar is closing.
ACTION: Panic.

Imagine the smell… LOL…If he eat all the beans in the world he could wipe out the universe..

“And there is distrust in Washington. I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town. And I’m sorry it’s the case, and I’ll work hard to try to elevate it.” –George W. Bush, interview on National Public Radio, Jan. 29, 2007

“I think that the vice president is a person reflecting a half-glass-full mentality.” –George W. Bush, interview on National Public Radio, Jan. 29, 2007

“And one thing we want during this war on terror is for people to feel like their life’s moving on, that they’re able to make a living and send their kids to college and put more money on the table.” –George W. Bush, interview on the NewsHour with Jim Lehrer, Jan. 16, 2007

“The best way to defeat the totalitarian of hate is with an ideology of hope — an ideology of hate — excuse me –with an ideology of hope.” –George W. Bush, Fort Benning, Ga., Jan. 11, 2007

“Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die.” –George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Dec. 7, 2006

“The only way we can win is to leave before the job is done.” –George W. Bush, Greeley, Colo., Nov. 4, 2006

“Anybody who is in a position to serve this country ought to understand the consequences of words.” –George W. Bush, interview with Rush Limbaugh, Nov. 1, 2006

“You know, when I campaigned here in 2000, I said, I want to be a war President. No President wants to be a war President, but I am one.” –George W. Bush, Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 26, 2006

Maria Bartiromo: “I’m curious, have you ever googled anybody? Do you use Google?”
President Bush: “Occasionally. One of the things I’ve used on the Google is to pull up maps. It’s very interesting to see — I’ve forgot the name of the program — but you get the satellite, and you can — like, I kinda like to look at the ranch. It remind me of where I wanna be sometimes.” –interview with CNBC’s Maria Bartiromo, Oct. 24, 2006

“You’re one of the outstanding leaders in a very important part of the world. I want to thank you for strategizing our discussions.” –George W. Bush, meeting with the prime minister of Malaysia, New York, N.Y., Sept. 18, 2006

“The Patriot Act has increased the flow of information within our government and it has helped break up terrorist cells in the United States of America. And the United States Congress was right to renew the terrorist act — the Patriot Act.” –George W. Bush, Washington, D.C. , Sept. 7, 2006

“You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.” –George W. Bush, interview with CBS News’ Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006

“I said I was looking for a book to read, Laura said you ought to try Camus. I also read three Shakespeares. … I’ve got a eck-a-lec-tic reading list.” –George W. Bush, interview with NBC’s Brian Williams, New Orleans, La., Aug. 29, 2006

BERLIN (Reuters Life!) - A 43-year-old German decided to settle his imminent divorce by chainsawing a family home in two and making off with his half in a forklift truck.

Police in the eastern town of Sonneberg said on Friday the trained mason measured the single-storey summer house — which was some 8 meters (26 feet) long and 6 meters wide — before chainsawing through the wooden roof and walls.

“The man said he was just taking his due,” said a police spokesman. “But I don’t think his wife was too pleased.”

After finishing the job, the man picked up his half with the forklift truck and drove to his brother’s house where he has since been staying.

Source

A guy wrestle with his dog for a sausages…

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